Christmas Conversation #20: How do you deal with Christmas as a joyous family time when family is hard?

Paul says, “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” A real challenge sometimes during this season. So here are some hospitality hints that we’ve discovered. For 17 years, both sides of our family (Craig’s parents, my parents, and some siblings) make the journey to spend Christmas with us (stays range from 1-4 weeks). We love having everyone together! Here are some things that we’ve learned about having so many in one house for extended stays.
1. Communicate about the plans for the day at breakfast (or dinner the night before). Somewhere where EVERYONE is there and listening. If you are going somewhere, set a departure time. It is like hearding cats sometimes.
2. Use the alonetime that you can get (wrapping last minute presents) to put on some music and worship. Don’t just “get it done”. It may be that alone time refreshment that allows you to have patience when needed or grace when it would be natural to be sharp tongued.
3. Let people operate in their strengths. If they are good at kids, suggest a game for them to play with yours while you work on dinner. If they are good at kitchen stuff, have them be your right hand. However, I’ve found that just because someone seems uncomfortable with kids (or hospitality) doesn’t mean I shouldn’t make suggestions. Sometimes, they just need encouragement to grow.
4. Don’t foresake sitting down for some meals together. There is something that happens around a table when everyone can see each other – bonding and memories happen. It takes more planning but it is worth it.
5. Balance sit down meals with “here it is – help yourself”: laying out sandwich makings, leftovers, etc. This is way easier on the hostess and lets your guests relax. I used to do every meal as a sitdown until I realized that my guests actually like doing some “on your own”.
6. Cleanup is everyone’s deal If this doesn’t naturally happen and people pitch in, you have to be a little more deliberate. We’ve made jokes at dinner about “whoever cooks it doesn’t clean it”. So the two or three that put dinner on help with clearing the table and then go occupy themselves with something else. When it seems like it gets to be the same people doing meal cleanup everytime, I say something like “Julie, would you mind orchestrating cleanup tonight?” Most times, your guests just don’t want to be in the way or don’t see their contribution as making a difference. Sometimes, I tell my father-in-law “Christmas Eve is going to be crazy. Could you orchestrate dinner. Here’s the menu and the stuff is in the frig. Just make sure everyone doesn’t come to the church hungry. That would hugely bless me!” He’s always more than agreeable.
7. Give people their space. Our house is small but I try to create little spaces where people can hang and do their own thing, play a game, read a magazine, play guitar, etc. Too much togetherness makes some people a bit grouchy.
8. Get outside! Take the dogs for a walk around the neighborhood. Go see the lights. Go to your “old downtown” area where things are decorated and go through the shops. Take a hike at the nearby park (pack some hot chocolate!) Outside exercise is always good for the attitude.
9. Be flexible. As hostesses, sometimes we have grand expectations but realize that the “event” is about helping people feel the reality that they are loved and cherished by their Heavenly Father. All of your preparations are about THAT one goal.
10. Relish your moments together. Sit down for meaningful conversations. Praise your Savior for giving you family.